


April began with a fire

by Efhue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, just random drabble based on a weird dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3764350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Efhue/pseuds/Efhue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>||Pyromania • To be obsessed with fire. ||</p>
<p>All Jean has ever known is fire. Within him and around. He is forever in flames, but he is not complaining. </p>
<p>Because often, fire is comforting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	April began with a fire

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry about not updating MTK I'll get down to it soon enough hah

  
"Do you have any idea how much I _fucking despise_ you ?"

He spits, towering over Jean, knees pressed firm and harsh, near bruising on the sides of his hips,

the stones grazing the exposed skin of his knee, fists curled in the fabric of Jean's shirt.

Its an old and ratty thing, its been worn down to match the spirits of their owners.

Boys became men too early, and there's no rags to riches story,

because in the _hellhole_ of a caved habitat, all they've got is rags to ashes.

_To ashes and ashes._

_To dust in the wind._

_Remainders of a human to be forgotten._

 

"No _fucking_ clue." Jean hisses back and Eren extracts a hand, the other still anchoring him to Jean,

as he afflicts a blow to Jean's jaw.

 

 

"Not at _all_." Eren chokes out, anger and confusion smoking the words, making them burn themselves into Jean's brain,

singeing a mark onto the tip of his _tongue_ , the coal of a heated, shocked response just choking Jean on the inside,

as the pits of his heart flame.

 

Eren gets up and leaves.

 

That's all.

 

No more words.

No more heat.

 

Ashes of unspoken words and the dead are picked up by the wind, like a solemn harvester of the broken.

Boys became men too early, _and this wasn't a rags to riches story._

 

 

**• | • | •**

 

 

"You know he likes you right ?" Its a loaded question.

A _yes_ would earn him a knee to the gut.

A _no_ would earn him a knee to the gut.

 

 

Feigning confusion would offer him some protection.

"I'm sorry ?"

"Eren. He likes you." She states it.

 

 

As normal as flowers grow in the spring, and Eren's eyes are as green as summer glades,

as concrete as facts could be,like it was _cemented and tethered,_ in a book,

where words were etched and not written,

_so that even if the writing fades, the fact remains._

 

 

"Oh."

_This_ earns him a knee to the gut.

 

 

**• | • | •**

 

 

"Do you think reincarnation is a real thing ?" He asks.

Its one of _those_ nights.

 

Nights where the heart and mind entwine to spill out its confines,

little _what ifs_ and _maybes_ that you weren't allowed the luxury of as a soldier,

but as a boy who became a man too fast. its the only way to let it out sometimes.

To confide. To be confided in, for trust is sometimes the only thing a soldier has.

 

Eren has t _oo much_ of it.

Its in the dying embers of his eyes, the faint mist of a whisper he breathes out,

the roaring rage and passion that engulf the rest of them like hellfire.

 

 

It is not unwelcome.

 

 

Fire is a _strange_ thing. It offers comfort but it is dangerous.

It dies easily and kills just as. Its the same, but its unique.

_Fires of bakeries_ are different.

_Forest fires_ are different.

Fire is different, but still the same gradients of reds, oranges and yellows.

It is fascinating and at the same time _mundane._

 

 

Fire is fascinating.

 

 

His answer hangs low on the two of them, like thick, curling black smoke. A personal fire.

Intense and burning, and searing through the both of them.

Eren stokes it with quiet sighs and mists of emotions and though its just that,

a spray here and there, it doesn't _dampen._

 

 

Fire is _brave._  

Fire is _fascinating._

 

 

**• | • | •**

 

 

_"Do you know how I feel ?"_

A smoke of a whisper, dangerous as it diffuses itself into Jean's very soul,

because it is not a tone _Eren Jaeger_ should ever use, no, _no_ , he wasn't hushed and broken,

like his Family home in Shingansina, he was _fire, raging fire_ , _coursing through Jean's veins-_

 

 

_"Snap out of it."_

Jean has a good bark, much better his bite, always.

He will not engage in this.

He will not sit there and watch a fire _die_. But he will not rekindle it.

He is not here to feed or to supply, he is here because he is fascinated, _forever fascinated_ by the mundane.

 

 

A cushy life and good food, he _was_ _so,_ _so fascinated_.

By the fire in the fireplace in the his much better home in Trost,

and now he is _angry._

 

 

He is _angry_ because he doesn't revel in the normal and the safe.

He is _livid_ because he does not know normal anymore, all thanks to a boy who could become the very thing he hated and _loathed_.

He is _seething._ He is seething about the fact that his fascination is a _different fire_ ,

a fire that is _dying_ because the boy, _no, man_ ,

in front of him has the nerve to question his worth at this juncture,

when _they need him_ _most-_

 

 

He slaps him.

_Hard._

 

 

He ignores the blood on his hand that is from Eren's maimed forehead.

He ignores the shock on Eren's face, no _wait-_

He does not ignore, he can't _ignore_ , because he _drinks in the boy like liquid heat,_

and Eren lights _too many_ fires him in him, he is too nimble, _too quick_ -

 

 

He clutches on to Eren's wrist, and there, _right there_ , more sparks to coarse through Jean,

prickling and uncomfortable because its like _touching a sun, his own personal_ _star-_

 

 

He swears when he clashes his lips against Eren's the prickling stops. It's heat that's connecting the two of them.

Not burning, but comforting. Jean feels heat leave him in puffs as he breathes them against Eren's lips as he pulls away, and _Eren._

 

 

Shock and astonishment and surprised are words that have long been left behind the trail of heat of fires.

 

"You are here. Alive and _burning._

People did _not_ die in vain for you to sit here and grovel.

Historia is queen and the the true heir, yeah, but Eren,

you have a _responsibility._

_To the rest of us._

The broken and the beaten and the _ones who are here for you._

Do no, and I _repeat fuckass_ , do not forsake it for the tragedies that led to this."

He growls, and squeezes his wrist.

 

 

Fire makes sound.

Crackling.

Hissing.

_Warm laughter and heated anger and roaring tirades._

 

_Eren is fire._

 

A warm hearth that envelopes Jean in an embrace as buries his face in the crook of his neck and inhales Jean scent,

like a cigarette. He breathes it out,

slow and deep and gently rekindles a fire on Jean's smiling lips with his own.

 

 

**• | • | •**

 

_Summer begins in April._

 

_Celebrations begin in April._

 

_Jean's life began April._

_He swore it ended in April._

 

 

Jean kisses his blades in memory of Marco, a best friend who died, still a boy,

and not a man.

Jean salutes with the fist of his right hand slamming against his heart.

To Eren. He died _a man._

_Barely  a quarter century old._

 

 

It looks like a salute but Jean wishes it was a cold, _cold dagger, impaling itself into him-_

Because to have lost the one you have loved before you have spoken hurts less

than to have lost someone who _lights a fire_ within you,

with words and actions, with _kisses and touches._

It hurts more to have _lost_ a reciprocated love because

love is the strongest emotion a human can feel,

_and it is such a double edged sword._

 

 

**• | • | •**

 

 

_"I'd like to believe in reincarnation, yeah." Jean responds after a comfortable silence._

_"Then I hope we run into each later."_

_A laugh. Reassuring, comforting. Full of emotion._

_"Hey Jean ?"_

_"Hmm ?"_

_"Let's see the sea together. In April. It'll be the best time. Corn blue skies and teal waters, white sand under our feet-"_

_A swift smile._

_"Sure Eren."_

_More silence._

_"Hey Eren ?"_

_"Yeah ?"_

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too, Jean."_

 

**the end**

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi my tumblr handle is bolly-wouldnt


End file.
